Schooling for Kids with Special Needs

Do you need help deciding on schooling for kids with autism? I recently had the opportunity to interview a former client of mine, Kelsey General, about this exact topic. Kelsey is the mom to two amazing young boys, Brentley and Lincoln, who both have the diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. But both are very, very different from each other. Kelsey has searched the Internet and ultimately the world for the best help and advice she could get for her boys. She’s worked directly with me, Dr. Megan Miller, and with Dr. Mary Barbera. Kelsey has not only learned from all of us at developing her own home program for her sons but has also given her time to help work with Dr. Barbera and others.

I thought that a bit of our discussion about decision making around schooling for kids with autism would make for a great standalone blog post. Well, hopefully you agree.  And if you want to hear more from Kelsey, make sure you listen to the full interview on the podcast.

Can a Child With Autism Go to School?

Kelsey ultimately made the decision to home school Brentley while sending Lincoln to a typical school.

“I always kind of thought about homeschooling,” Kelsey said. “I was always a really hands on mom. Even before the autism diagnosis, I stayed home. But then as a single mom, I had to go back to work, and those kinds of thoughts faded really quickly. 

“The plan was always – while Brentley was in daycare and in preschool settings – to train everyone around him to really get him used to this classroom setting. So that he could thrive in school. And that was always the plan until June, I believe, of 2019.”

Whether your child goes to school or is home schooled could depend on their behavior type. Click below to take the Behavior Type quiz for your child!

Best School for Children with Autism

I ended up calling Kelsey one day after things had gotten really, really bad at daycare. That was when I told her, “I think it’s time for him to come home.”

Kelsey had tried training a lot of people in the daycares. But “at the end of the day, Brentley needed a really, really set way of teaching in a really positive way.  In a way that nobody could deliver with 100% fidelity, except perhaps me,” Kelsey said. “Because nobody has the same kind of motivations as a parent has. 

“That day I left work. I stayed home with him, and got him really, really in a good place over the next three months. We were ready to put him in school starting in September.

“At the time, Brentley was doing a lot of head banging – which had always been his go to behavior – that kind of roller coastered up and down. He was not really communicating, you know, just a lot of really unsafe behaviors that we felt we had a really good plan to prevent. But unfortunately, that was hard for other people to do.”

School Support for Children with Autism

It was a bit of a struggle to get people to put the time and focus into doing it correctly. Even though she, Megan, and myself had created a solid plan, it just wasn’t being executed right. He was unsafe. The decision was made to bring him home for the summer and follow the plan herself. Then he could start school in September.

“But I think I had too much, I’ll say trauma, from what happened in June of how bad it got for him that I wasn’t ready to give up control, or to trust anyone else to do what I knew was right. And he was learning so much at home. The day before he was supposed to go to kindergarten, I said, we’re not going to kindergarten.”

Kelsey was successful in reducing a lot of the most problematic issues. And she had developed a really good teaching technique with Brentley and it was going well. I don’t think she was getting the assurances that she would have needed from the public schools. 

Why the Typical Classroom Wasn’t a Good Fit

“In Canada, in the province I’m in, they are very pro inclusive education. I am too. But what I am pro is every kid getting what they need. For Brentley, if you look at a US system, it probably would have been some level of self-contained classroom with pull-ins to music and art and stuff that would have probably been a great solution for him. He would have learned reading and math at his level.

“However where I am, it would have been him in the classroom all day with probably a one-to-one, and I knew from our daycare experiences and having the best people trying to train that it didn’t work. And so I knew that that setting was just probably not where he was going to thrive.  At home he was just able to learn, and we were just able to focus a lot more on his needs.”

Kelsey isn’t sure that Brentley will ever go to public school. He can’t communicate the way a kids his age can, but he’s at grade level with his reading and math. She doesn’t think that he’d be as successful inside a classroom. 

Advice for Parents Considering Schooling for Kids with Autism

Kelsey homeschooled her other son, Lincoln, for his kindergarten year right after COVID. “Lincoln is a very project-based learner,” she said. “He could learn for two months about snakes, and you could do math and reading and everything related to snakes and things would be great.

“But Brentley needs new things every day. He needs to work very systematically through things. And I was only one person. It was a mess. Nobody was happy.”

Lincoln’s learning matched up a little bit better with what is traditionally in the schools. He is fully conversational, though he struggles with emotional regulation and some social skills and anxiety. “And Lincoln wanted to go to school. He wanted to be around kids even though we were socializing all the time. I think he just wanted more school structure.

“So that decision was easy for me because Lincoln was showing me when he was home all the signs that it wasn’t working.”

Parent Tip #1 – Do an Assessment

If you are struggling to decide on the best schooling for kids with autism in your life, Kelsey says to start with an assessment.

“It can be quick, just like, what are their strengths? What are their needs?  They’re really good at this. Or they’re not so good at this. If you have a learner who is really struggling with transitions, it might be a good idea to either look at a home based approach or a therapeutic therapy center approach rather than a typical school inclusive setting.  Because I will say, even now professionally, I spent a lot of time in schools, and a lot of the day is transitions, is waiting. It can be stressful for kids who have severe problem behaviors.”

Parent Tip #2 – Look for Positive People that Can Support Your Child

No matter how you decide on schooling for kids with autism, “look for people who are positive. Who believe that your child is capable.”

“I’ve always known when people are scared of Brentley. When people are fearful. It’s best to go tour places, interview people and see what kind of vibe you get. Your gut is not wrong. Is this going to be a good learning setting for my child? My child can’t talk and is having a lot of severe problem behaviors. Is learning to read going to be a first priority for him? And is the school prepared to focus on maybe things that are more of a priority for him? Or are they pretty stuck on, we’re teaching reading?”

To listen to my full conversation with Kelsey, including how the 7 steps helped her family, go to the podcast page here. And if you want more information on your child’s behavior type in order to best support them in school, take my free quiz!