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How to Make Your Kid Comfortable Talking To You

Family relationships can be hard and sometimes kids can become uncomfortable with their parents.  Kids growing up deal with so many new and unexpected things on a daily basis that it is very easy for them to become uncomfortable and even anxious talking about it with others. So in today’s blog, I’m going to talk about the important things that you can do to support “How to make your kid comfortable talking to you.”

Could you imagine if every single day you were in a brand new situation you had never been in before and you were surrounded by people who have been and know what to do and what is going on?  When children grow, they can be met with challenges on a regular basis.  There are new people, new activities, new situations and even new feelings, or desires, that are constantly changing the way they interact with the world and the way it interacts with them.

Being unsure or insecure about where you are, who you are, and what you should be doing makes some kids become very introverted. Even kids who are demonstrative can become less likely to want to come to their parents about things they think might be awkward or embarrassing. But, if you are concerned about how to make your kid comfortable talking to you, here are some easy to remember and implement strategies.

Talk With Your Child Openly and In Private

Talk openly about things that might be happening in their lives but never in front of others.  This means that when you and your kid are talking alone, don’t skirt around issues that might be on the horizon for them. If you know your child is getting ready for their first menstrual cycle or first crush or first big exam or sports event.

You want to make sure that you are already finding ways to broach those subjects not specifically related to them but in ways that allow them to see those conversations as being normal and comfortable for you.  Talk about times you went through these or similar things. 

Pull Back If You Are Making Your Child Uncomfortable

You should pull back if you see they are being weirded out by the conversations. Don’t force feed it to them. But, with a little bit of research you can probably find some good TV shows or movies where characters in similar times of life have dealt with issues they may be coming up against. Watching them together and having open conversations about what the character did or could have done differently can only help.

There will always be issues that come to your kids that you haven’t thought about or might not be aware of yet, but that’s okay, the more you have been out in front of other issues that they will be addressing in safe and positive ways, the more likely it is to make your kid comfortable talking to you. 

Don’t Be So Perfect Yourself

My second piece of advice is try not to always be perfect. Kids can get a distorted view of their parents.  Because of our experiences and our position of authority, things tend to go the way we want them to around the house and since we make these decisions we don’t seem to make a lot of mistakes.  Whereas if you are not careful, you might find your child constantly making errors or mistakes maintaining the house and life you want. 

When you find yourself criticizing them or constantly reminding them of things they need to do better, you can start to be looked at as infallible or perfect in their eyes.  If they see you as perfect, they are not going to want to confide in you about things where they don’t feel perfect. 

Let Your Child See You Make Mistakes

I recommend letting your child see you make mistakes.  Inform them of the dumb things you did and laugh with them about how you overcame and achieved after making the same types of mistakes that they do.  One of the best ways for “how to make your kid comfortable talking to you” is to show them that you are not perfect and that you can understand whatever it is that is troubling them. 

Don’t Make Jokes At Your Child’s Expense

As a parent it is always good to be fun for your kids and part of that means it is great if you can be funny and playful, but be careful not to get into the habit of making fun of them.  Even if you think they know you love them and that you don’t mean it, burns and jokes at their expense can really hurt a child when coming from their parents.

If they think you are likely to make fun of them about silly things like toilet paper hanging from their shoe or wearing their shoes on the wrong feet, they won’t be comfortable coming to you when they have more serious issues that would likely set them up for even more ridicule.

Don’t Make Judgements of Your Child

Try to never judge your child for mistakes they make and naive questions they ask. Judgments are aversives for most people that would cause your child to pull away from you. If they have bad grades, work with them to keep trying, find a way to study better, or more time to do homework, but don’t let it become about them being lazy, dumb, or selfish.

Judgments from a parent can have long reaching negative effects on kids well into their adulthood. Children are constantly developing their sense of self worth and value in the world and the more you can show them you value their worth, the more they will feel about themselves. 

Remind Your Child – You Are There for Them No Matter What

Another way, how you can make your kid comfortable talking to you is to remind them often in good times and bad that you are there, that you love and care about them and that they can tell you anything. If this is all you do, but you don’t ever follow any of the other strategies in this video, it won’t be helpful.

However, if you are able to communicate on issues they are likely to be experiencing, show them you aren’t perfect, can be fun, but not make fun of them and reserve judgements for their mistakes focusing instead on helping them fix the problems they are in, the more likely they are to believe you when you tell them you are there and they can share anything with you.

If you are able to do these things as your child ages and grows, you can then feel comfortable reminding them as often as you like that they can come to you with anything and they will believe that you will understand and help rather than make fun and judge.

Need More Support?

If you are struggling with more than just a child who doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you, and want help getting to the bottom of why your kids are making the types of choices they are then click here to take my free behavior type quiz today. It’s just 10 questions long and it can help you identify if your child has a behavior type, what that type is and you will get a video explaining how you can use this information to help.

Remember These Tips

So, if you are wondering how to get your kids to be comfortable talking to you, remember the following:

  • Talk openly about things that might be happening in their lives when you are alone and never in front of others. 
  • Don’t try to be perfect and let your kids know that you too have made mistakes and goof some stuff up.
  • Try to be fun and funny but avoid making fun of them.
  • Save your judgements for the courtroom and not the home environment.  

If you are doing all of those things, you can then be sure to remind them often that you are there to help and want to know what’s going on in their lives.  Remind them that they should always feel comfortable coming to you and that you can help no matter what the issue or question is.