How to Handle Frustrating Children

If you’re a parent, you’ve probably wondered how to handle frustrating children. Frustration is a part of life. We get frustrated when things aren’t going the way we want. This is true when it comes to our children, too. We get frustrated because we don’t feel we are helping them to make better choices.

Frustration Leads to Motivation

Did you know that important learning happens with some level of frustration?  If we had everything exactly the way we wanted, we would likely not put effort into new things.  It is only when we become bored with or tired with the current environment that we move to make changes to it. The first movements we make are usually things that have worked in the past. This is the crux of behavioral understanding. It’s how we understand the effect reinforcement has on behavior. 

However, when our first efforts do not get us a desired result, our natural reaction is to feel frustrated. This frustration is the only thing that then leads us toward trying new behavior. So, frustration is an important part of learning. The same goes for you when you are dealing with children. When you don’t get what you want from them you become frustrated. Then you wonder how to handle frustrating children.  The ways you know how to behave are not working. Your frustration level now motivates you to learn something new. 

How to Handle Difficult Child Behavior

It is because of the frustration you feel trying to raise your child that you have an opportunity to find new skills and create new environments from which your children will live and learn. If something isn’t working, try something new. 

You nag your children and they ignore you and avoid your instructions. This frustrates you. Find something other than nagging that works. 

Your child argues with you every time you reason with them. They negate everything you say. Learn how to react in a better way.  

Your child talks back. Respond to this talking back in a way that changes the outcomes your child gets from this behavior. 

Teach Your Children Through Frustration

To some degree, you need to turn the tables around. Make it so that it is not you, but your child, who gets frustrated enough with the status quo and makes a change. They will start to see that their current behaviors such as ignoring you, arguing, or talking back are no longer getting them what they need. This will lead them to a level of frustration that will cause them to start looking for newer, better ways to get their desires met.

The key difference between your children frustrating you and you frustrating them is that you have the ability to then teach them the new behavior immediately. After they decide they want to learn. You can help take their frustration away. They will be more successful in getting their desires met. Tell your child to use that frustration as the motivation to start learning what will give them better outcomes and less frustration. 

What to Do When Your Child is Frustrated

Without question the best approach to learning how to make positive choices from moment to moment with your children is the Just 7 Steps Behavioral Approach. By learning the 7 Steps to Instructional Motivation, you learn how to organize your environment so that it becomes a partner in helping you to motivate your children. It will also help you to build a cohesive and positive relationship that can handle a little frustration when it does occur. Implement the 7 Steps and watch how you reduce your frustration level while using your child’s frustrations to help them learn new skills and develop new abilities that support your goals for them in the home environment. 

Find Your Child’s Behavior Type

In order to start getting to the bottom of why your kids are making the choices they are, both those that frustrate you and those that don’t, take a moment and learn a bit about your child’s behavior type. Different children tend to be motivated by different categories of behavior.  They are coloring your child’s behavior regardless of the situation you are in currently. The better you understand your child’s behavior type, the better you can be about setting up an environment that motivates and then reinforces better behavior. 

If you find yourself wondering how to handle frustrating children, you have to realize that it is not that you have to learn how to handle frustrating children but rather, you have to use your current frustration as a motivator to learn the skills you need to help your kids make better decisions. The Just 7 Steps approach to interaction with your children is the best approach I’ve been able to identify with my more than 20 years of experience as an educator, behavior analyst and parent. Start by taking our behavior type quiz and get started learning the skills you will need to end the frustration and start getting your needs met as a parent as you help your child to become their best selves.