Dealing with Teen Drama as a Parent | Understanding Teenage Behavior

Are you tired of dealing with all the teenage drama as a parent?  Can you not handle the seemingly endless disrespect, moody attitude and laziness that tends to come with the teenage years?   Well, there is no way to stop a teenager from being a teenager but there are things you can do to help you get through the teenage years without chucking it all and moving to a deserted island.   These tips are going to start turning things around!

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4 Tips for Dealing with Teenage Drama

My oldest is now a teenager and boy has she gotten moody.  Do you find yourself getting fed up with dealing with all the teenage drama as a parent?  Well, you are not alone.  Did you know that parenting is at its most challenging and least enjoyable in the first few years and again in the teenage years?  This is based on a study of parenting happiness. So, if you are stressed and tired and just fed up dealing with the teenage drama, I’ve got some tips and advice to help you deal with your teen’s emotions.

Tip 1:  It’s not personal. It’s hormones. 

First thing to remember when dealing with Teenage Drama as a parent is this…

It’s not personal. It’s hormones. Teenage brains are not fully developed and their hormones are through the roof. There is nothing a teenager does or says that is truly more than their immediate reaction to the moment based on a developing ego and the confidence that comes from not really truly knowing anything. They go to school all day where they are given information that makes them feel smart, they hang with friends all day who think and behave the way they do, they are building their independence and their moods are changing less like the tides and more like the sea in a hurricane.

Your amazing loving child might suddenly stop saying hi when you enter the room. They might even stop responding to you when you say hi?  They will be infinitely embarrassed by anything they fear their friends might see as weird or unusual which usually includes just about everything a parent might say or do. They want what they want with immense passion.  All of these things make it very difficult for them to take your perspective or anyone else’s into account.  It’s just part of the process and when dealing with teenage drama, you have to remind yourself over and over, none of it is personal and none of it is permanent. Like they say, this too shall pass.

Tip 2:  You can’t win an argument with a teenager.

Oh, you will find yourself in arguments and you will be right much of the time but it won’t ultimately matter. A teenage mind is always right with absolute unwavering confidence and as soon as it is proven wrong beyond any doubt, it responds by no longer caring. The goal of the argument for the teen is not to be right but to keep you arguing.

Rather than getting upset and insisting on proving them wrong, understand that they are still learning how to think critically, they are engaging in hundreds of mostly non-consequential opportunities to practice problem solving, holding their ground, standing up for what they believe in and managing taking in new information that may go against their previously conceived ideas. These are all important skills that they will need to have as adults and you are meant to be a safe space for them to learn these things no matter how frustrating it might be while going through it.

Tip 3: Teenagers need space but there will be times that they really need you. 

You need to give them their space but find a way to show them you will always be there. Don’t be offended that you are not their number one priority.  They are experiencing deep friendships and even romantic relationships for the very first time.  These are exciting times but also anxiety inducing times. Trying to micromanage your kids through these areas of self-discovery will often just put you at odds and cause you to not be able to be there for them when they really do need you.  When you are truly needed your teens will come to you and they will confide in you and ask for your help.  Constantly offering them help and advice when they don’t want it only makes them less likely to come to you when they will need you most.

Tip 4: Don’t try too hard to not be embarrassing.

Lean into it, try to find a way to be okay with it.  That doesn’t mean to begin to be purposely embarrassing or to try to get even with their attitude by embarrassing them in front of their friends. because as silly as it may seem to your adult brain, this embarrassment is a real thing that they experience deeply and truly can’t help. Just know it is inevitable and you might as well, learn how to enjoy the experience. Like every other phase your children have gone through, it will be behind you before you know it and there will actually be things about this time you will miss. So, try to see your child for who they are now and accept that you can’t truly be cool in the eyes of a 15-year-old no matter how cool you actually are.  In fact, if you truly are considered cool to a 15-year-old, you are likely not very cool or effective as an actual adult. So, remind yourself that this is just part of the process of growing up and as your child gets older and more mature, they will begin to see just truly how cool and special you are.  The only thing you can do to ruin that eventual understanding is by not accepting and appreciating how special they are as they work through the challenges of developing their own personality independent of yours and learn to become their own people.

Let’s recap the 4 tips to deal with teenage drama:

If you are just plain tired of dealing with the teenage drama as a parent, there really are just a few things you need to remember to get through it with your sanity intact.  First, it’s not personal.  Second, don’t try to win every argument, just know that they are learning from the discussions you have, Third, be willing to give them the space they need at this time in their lives so that you can always be there for them when they really need you and finally, don’t let the fact that the kid who used to idolize you now finds you a bit embarrassing.  That’s a healthy part of life and growth for them.

In the early teenage years, it’s all about learning how to fit in.  When they get a bit older, it will all be about learning how to stand out. And that is when they will finally start to be able to appreciate just what a cool and wonderful parent you have been.

Don’t forget to take my free quiz and find out your child’s behavior type!