How To Avoid Meltdowns in Kids: 4 Easy Steps

One of the biggest problems parents have is learning how to avoid meltdowns in kids. What is a bigger embarrassment or pain in the butt than dealing with a public meltdown? Today I’ll be talking about how to keep meltdowns in kids from occurring before they begin. What are the things we can do from moment to moment when a meltdown is likely to occur to prevent it from happening?

What Causes a Child to Have Meltdowns?

Children are highly emotional beings who are constantly going through states of growth and development. They experience new situations daily and they try their absolute best to navigate a thoroughly complicated and ever-changing world. But sometimes things don’t go their way and it’s hard for them to cope.

They count on us, their parents, for guidance and support while navigating through a never ending gauntlet of potential disappointments.  

Life is filled with joy and fun but to really get to enjoy those things, we have to learn how to get through life’s disappointments as quickly and painlessly as possible. Children aren’t born with this skill; it is something they will have to learn through experience. That’s why learning how to avoid meltdowns in toddlers and kids is so important.

4 Steps to Avoid Meltdowns in Kids

So, if you are asking yourself “how can I avoid meltdowns in kids?” and you are interested in the things you can control in the moments before a meltdown begins, here are four steps you can take to prevent them.

Use Reinforcements

Say your child is asking for ice cream in the middle of the day. You don’t want to spoil their dinner so you say no to their request. Your child then gets mad and starts screaming and crying, begging you for ice cream. What could you have done to avoid this?

The first step to avoid meltdowns in kids is to carry with you some form of meaningful reinforcement at all times. Think of this reinforcement as an approved alternative when you can’t give them what they actually want. This reinforcement should be something they will willingly accept when offered – like a favorite snack or toy, or the chance to play a game on your phone. 

Offer Alternatives Instead of Saying No

Whenever you have to say no to something, offer the reinforcement mentioned in the first step as an alternative. Going back to the ice cream example, tell them that they can’t have ice cream right now, but that you’ll give them some goldfish crackers if they’re good. They can have ice cream for dessert after dinner. This gives them something that they like right now and also gives them something to look forward to later.

Show Understanding

This leads us to the third step, which is to let your child know that you understand their feelings and how hard it is to hear no. Share with them that you get why they would want the ice cream and remind them that they can trust you. You will make sure they have access to fun stuff – including ice cream – when the time is right.

Give Reinforcement After Instruction 

And finally, quickly give them access to their approved reinforcer as soon as you have given your instruction and they have not begun to get upset, meltdown, or tantrum.  Show them if they start to get fidgety or whiny that they might lose access to this alternative reinforcer and that even though the ice cream is not going to be available, the alternative is only available if they remain positive.

Why Does My Child Keep Having Meltdowns?

I can’t promise you that these four steps are going to stop all of your child’s meltdowns. Kids need to have meltdowns from time to time to learn how to show their displeasure and develop coping skills.  But, it is the best chance you have at limiting them, especially in public situations where it would be harmful to you or them socially. 

If you follow these guidelines while also learning how to respond when meltdowns do still occur, you will be in the best position to move your kids through the total meltdown phase of life as quickly as possible and show them more mature ways to show their displeasure.

Do Kids Have Behavior Types?

Another important aspect to avoid meltdowns in kids is understanding your child’s specific behavior type.  Most kids have a special type of behavior that more prominently affects their interactions – both positive and negative – with their parents.  

If you want to learn how to avoid meltdowns in your kids, you can certainly follow the steps above. But also, taking the time to identify and learn how to work with your child’s behavior type will be important as well.  You can take my Behavior Types quiz to learn your child’s specific behavior type and how you can use that information to help you reduce tantrums and avoid meltdowns in your kids.

Conclusion

So, if your goal is to move your child through the tantrum stage of development and avoid meltdowns in your kids, there are things you can do before a meltdown starts to affect their future use of that type of behavior.

Try to remember to always carry with you other forms of meaningful reinforcement for when you have to say no to something. Couch that no in an offer for a meaningful alternative. Make that alternative reinforcement immediately available before the behavior escalates. Use quick movements to show them the alternative is only available if they don’t lose it. Show that you fully understand the emotional challenge they are having and that you are there to make sure they are okay if they need a hug or want to discuss other options later. 

Don’t forget to take my Behavior Types quiz to identify your child’s overriding behavior type and learn how that information can help you avoid meltdowns and bad behavior in your kids.